The L❤︎nely Heart’s GuideTo Eating Your Feelings

Because Being Single Means You Don't Have to Share Your Food

By Savory Sinderella

This year, I’m engaged and happy n sh*t but I’ve been you, yea you with the 50 shades darker DVD & Ben & Jerry’s, trying to convince yourself that Valentine’s Day is a sham; some tacky, made-up holiday which most mispronounce [it’s ValenTINE’S…”TINE’S” Day]. But then you wake on the 15th, hungover from an emotional night out only to find Russell Stover’s wrappers stuck in your hair. Finally accepting that maybe being Valentine-less bothered you [just a little]. Objectively speaking, of course.

This year, don’t let the couples have all the culinary fun! You like outdated chocolate lava cake, you like complimentary bubbly, and you damn well like the Chef’s short-rib ravioli special. So skip those discount orange filled chocolates your Abuela gave you and TREAT YO SELF. 

At the very least, you’ll be all carbed up for the slosh fest that awaits you. Cheers! To being single and eating your feelings in style!

❤︎1 The Wynwood Yard – Single’s Appreciation

No “other”? NO PROBLEM come out and enjoy your freedom at The Wynwood Yard Get shitty with their 5$ ‘the heartbreak hotel’ punch special, watch some of miami’s tops artists and let loose to music by DJ ‘Lespam’ from the spam all stars. Don’t forget to grab some House Of Mac, mac n’ cheese for when those “cat lady” thoughts set in.

❤︎2 Sweet Liberty- Vegan Milk Wrestling

The Coolest Valentine’s Day on Miami Beach. Watch the masses go wild [while sticking to their environmentally conscious values] as they wrestle in coconut milk. Get ready for girl on girl, drag queen on drag queen, dragqueen on girl and dude on two dragqueens. Get ready to shake your booty to a Dj set by Otto Von schriach.Oh and single ladies get free booze 10-11 pm.Don’t forget to treat yourself to some oysters and a Cuban Torta to heal your injured body and broken heart.


❤︎3 Scarpetta

Grab your BFF and break some fancy ass bread together at Scarpetta with a four-course prix-fixe menu in the elegant ocean view dining room for $150 per friendship, guests will begin the evening with an amuse bouche of Rose Beets and Goat Cheese; followed by Conant’s signature Spaghetti with tomato and basil. Entrée is Roasted Beef Tenderloin Oscar with asparagus and chasseur sauce. For dessert, diners will enjoy Lemon-Thyme Ricotta Fritters with milk chocolate cremeux and mango champagne.

*Reservations are required for all offerings.


❤︎4 Beaker & Gray

Beaker & Gray is celebrating Valentine’s Day with an exclusive prix-fixe menu for $85 per person or $110 per person with  complete with cocktail pairings (you’ll probably need that)You and your equally single friends will diners will dine on a choice of English Pea Soup with Snow crab, black truffle and yuzu or Farmer Greens with Rock shrimp, candied pistachio and Mandarin chili. For the  main attraction get ready to dry those tears with some  Short Rib with butternut squash, shiso and pickled ginger or Queen Snapper with winter squash, sunchokes and tomato water, paired with A Stone’s Throe with Cooper’s Craft bourbon, mandarin Napoleon, squash cordial and egg glair. End on a sweet note with choice of Strawberry Short Cake with buttermilk biscuit, opus blend and compressed strawberry or Chocolate Tart with English toffee, chocolate sable and lemon confit, paired with Happily Clever After – Chambord, walnut, Cocchi di Torino and Aphrodite bitters.

❤︎5 The Big Easy Bar & GrillVideo_Feb_09_3_06_18_PM

Grab your gay best friend and nosh out at Big Easy Winebar & Grill.  They’re dishing out  a three-course Valentine’s Day dinner with modern South African inspired dishes for $160 per platonic couple. Dinner includes starters like Bison Tartare in a smoked oyster emulsion or Olive Oil Poached Octopus Carpaccio with mache and Peri Peri vinaigrette. Choose from  Double Lamb Chop with Brussels sprouts – cherry hash, port and blackberry, Filet Mignon with lobster and curry sabayon or Butterbean Roasted Root Bunny Chow. End the night with a decadent Double Chocolate Mousse Cake.  Then hold each other while you cry about how fat you are; food will always love you.


Take back Valentine’s Day and make it savory, sinful and god-damn filthy!