By Nicole Martinez
To my mother who will never see this, I am a little sorry.
Her hair was kissed by fire and delicately brushed against her porcelain shoulder but there was no life in her eyes, no gusto. Paired with half-hearted moans, a blonde young man pumps into her intermittently–he’s sweating and concentrated. Too concentrated. Another soft moan but it’s now joined by another moan, from a blonde with the most remarkable ass I have ever seen on a white girl. It was real and it was magnificent. The two girls meet at the lips and exchange deep kisses that are only broken by the shutter of a camera.
“Ok, let’s stop right here and get a photo of you fucking her missionary while [you]–can you straddle her face?”
The musk of perspiration and fornication filled a cramped room–it’s hard to imagine how a 19 year old nervous kid can keep it up with incessant pointers from the director and a grungy camera man looming nearby. Our young hero pumped away, letting out shudders of lust that were tainted by the obvious lack of emotional involvement. The sex was pre-orchestrated, both in movement and circumstance. It didn’t take a veteran in the biz to know that. You can imagine that this scene is nothing out of the ordinary in the porn industry–the only difference being that I was present, sitting on a bed opposite the busy trio gawking with 5 strangers alongside me.
While other young professionals in the Magic City hustled and grinded in anticipation of Happy Hour, I watched some kind of magic happen in the confines of a studio in Little Haiti. The better part of my afternoon consisted of signing paperwork to prove my consent, getting make-up and wardrobe done, and relishing in the awkwardness of small talk. With the promise of a meager compensation, 6 of us were recruited to act as “extras” in an amateur porn shoot. Most of us had ever been “extras” in anything, let alone porn but hey, hundred bucks is a hundred bucks despite the responsible adult buried deep inside me pleading that I think of my future career as a scientist.
The small talk in the Green Room gave light to the fact that most of the people in the Green Room were not going to get fucked. Until one girl revealed her prior expertise, if you can call it that, when she said “I got fucked upside down in a wheelbarrow the other day” to an inattentive production manager. I could go into detail about her physical attractiveness, or lack thereof, but trust me, it’s safer to say that not even the professionals were ready to see her nether regions.
Thankfully for the young blonde stud, the female talent comprised of 2 young girls that otherwise could have been afforded as pretty, reserved girls both paying their way through film school and college. At one point while waiting for production to begin, we were escorted outside the studio’s back to smoke cigarettes in groups that resembled too much like daycare. I recall one of the girls, a redhead, asking me for a lighter which sparked a conversation about where we were from, etc. She had a couple amateur films and gigs under her belt and even mentioned to having dabbled with “foot fetish” porn because she had nice feet.
“I guess you do have nice feet”, I awkwardly offered as smoke languidly surrounded us. The other girl, a blonde with soft features made no significant impact on me until she later took off her clothes and revealed the biggest ass I have ever seen on a white girl.
Looking back on the interactions between the extras and the talent, the pleasant yet awkward vibe before actual shooting fueled the comically tense scene before these 3 people took off their clothes. The script’s dialogue was all improvised by the extras and the talent in a manner fitting what may “go down in a dorm party gone crazy” with “drinking” games and playing Truth or Dare. I say “drinking” because you would hope, even pray, that you’d have alcohol to serve as social lubricant in this tense, dry situation. But no, no fucking drinking. We were instructed to act like we were at a party and then casually respond to 3 people get naked and start fucking– but alas that’s where the beauty of human social behavior comes in.
Showtime. Before you knew it, one-liners like “Yeah, ride ’em cowboy!” or “Whoa, shit got crazy!” were shouted while one busy director gave direction to the talent and the camera man snapped pictures and recorded video, interchangeably. My fellow extras and I watched across the room, sitting on the bed providing crude commentary while supporting the sexual conquest before us. Some sat quietly in silent bewilderment at the scene before them. I couldn’t ignore the smell of sweat and pussy and how generally unimpressed I was with what was happening in front of me. It’s funny how something seemingly unconventional and alternative can feel commonplace.
Hardcore pornography has ruined me.
The personal highlight during the sex scene was when the director asked if anyone wanted to jump on the bed the talent was “working” on. I thought “fuck it”; it would provide some comedic relief other than the awkward, forced one-liners so I jumped on the bed facing the sex-trio and put on my best cheer for the home team. Screaming obscenities that would ban me from moral institutions forever, I embraced the situation at hand and no longer felt like a fly in the wall but as Hunter S. Thompson would say “thick in the pudding”. In essence, all up in that shit. Fuck gawking like some slack-jawed drone and fuck pretending my moral compass doesn’t point me in the direction of what’s interesting in this world.
And just like that, it was over. The film people got their money shot, we all cheered and applauded, got paid, and went home. No one gives you a certificate and says “Congratulations on obtaining a new level of debauchery” but it fits to recount this experience because it happened. Up until this moment, my only experience with porn came from personal use. Sure, we all watch porn regardless of how much the conservative folk don’t want to admit it, but watching the production of one was not for the faint of heart. It warranted reflection and is worthy as a shared anecdote for the mere fact that social barriers are created and constantly challenged. I challenged my own perceptions of pornography and engaging in new experiences with the single lesson that exposing people to new and unfamiliar elements outside their comfort zone provides for good entertainment for those who laugh at lapses in fluid human interaction.
So where’s the happy ending? Next time, it might suit to maybe BYOB but take the ride. Hell, take the wheel if you so dare!