Every zodiac sign has a distinct personality and flavor, so in honor of National Ice Cream Month and National Ice Cream Day, I have your astrological guide to the best ice cream in Miami. Your horoscope for today says “F*ck Bitches Get Chunky” Treat Yo Self. [I would totally name my hypothetical all-girl punk band “Zodiac Ice Cream“]
Aries The best of all the zodiac signs (although I may be bias) is adventurous, energetic and passionate. These born leaders love to challenge their palates and trend-set so Mr Bing’s Taiwanese Shaved Ice Cream is the perfect treat for an Aries’ sweet tooth. Create your own and get nutty with the cereal toppings.
Taurus this sign is loyal and practical, however if they decide to indulge they’re going to do it rich! Therefore my pick for Taurus is classic yet decadent; Nutella Gelato from Latteria. This gelato is purely sinful, smooth, creamy and expensive ass tasting ice cream. Go big or go home Taurus.
Gemini Gemini’s are curious creatures always seeking new discoveries. However, Gemini’s hate being pinned down to one option, so Wynwood Parlour’s ice cream sandwich is the perfect treat; two desserts in one. No decisions, just pure gluttony.
Cancer This emotional sign is generous and creative but has also been called “clingy”. So the perfect ice cream for a Cancer is one that’s both shareable and nostalgic. I recommend a candy sundae at Smooshies Candy & Toy Store, F*ck. the haters, you’re not clingy, sharing is caring.
Leo these prideful creatures love to show off and be admired. Lulu’s ice cream taco is definitely a show stopper and the perfect trophy for any Leo. Tacocat is Tacocat spelled backwards.
Virgo The intelligent and modest Virgo appreciates purity; Serendipity Creamery is just that. This small-batch ice cream shop, handcrafts kosher ice cream and vegan sorbet. Clean and pure choices just like a Virginnnnnn, I mean Virgo.
Libra these gentle creatures appreciate the beauty in the world but also have issues making decisions. There is nothing more beautiful than doughnuts and ice cream, so for my indecisive Libras InstaCream_N7’s Doughnut ice cream sandwich is perfection. No decisions, just pure bliss.
Scorpio the intense Scorpio requires intense flavors. Azucar’s Guinness-Chocolate is a Scorpio’s dream; this rich and slightly bitter flavor has a smooth finish and can tame any Scorpio’s hangry temper.
Sagittarius these natural explorers are adventurous, boundless and young at heart. The perfect frozen treat for these light hearted dreamers is Ms. Cheezious’ “Midnight Snack Shake” Think chocolate covered potato chips, caramel pop corn, chocolate covered pretzels and topped with whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles.
Capricorn this sign is considered to be professional, ambitious, classic and serious. These go-getters will appreciate Sweet Melody’s, where the ice cream is both hormone-free and contains non-gmo sweeteners. The entrepreneurial spirit of Melody’s will entice the Capricorn and any flavor will satisfy their sweet tooth. I suggest the Cinnamon Roll ice cream!
Aquarius this sign is inventive, enjoys creating and making their own. I suggest Mr. Bing’s “Bring Your Own Topping Party” on Wednesday, July 27th 6-8 P.M. This is the perfect way for an Aquarius to showcase their uniqueness; you might also win a $100 gift card and have your creation featured on their menu.
Pisces these compassionate and imaginative eaters live in two worlds, the secular and the spiritual so Tio Colo’s ice cream & pizza are the best of both worlds combined. Grab a Coco-Almendrado and a pepperoni pizza and you’ll be on your way to the perfect Sunday Funday.