Fruit Blogger Takeover Continues: Makes jokes about grapes, offers exclusive tips

Josh Malina is a fruit blogger who also sometimes eats other foods. These posts were originally published last year on Chirbah, for the fruit community in Charlottesville, VA.  We can only hope that his journey continues here in Miami.

The Concord grapes at Whole Foods are delicious and extremely grapey — buy them

It would have cost me $20 to remove the watermark from this duck. But ducks love water omg haha lmao

A duck walks into a store and asks the clerk, “Got any gwapes?”. The clerk says no, and the duck leaves.

The next day, the duck comes back and asks the clerk again, “Got any gwapes?” The clerk barks back: “No, and if you ask me again, I’m going to staple your beak shut!”

The duck, of course, returns the next day. But this time he asks, “Got any staples?” The clerk, somehow forgetting his threats, or forced into honesty by professional obligation, admits that he doesn’t.

Our friend the duck, now safe from the threat of injury, once again asks, “Got any gwapes?”

This is a joke that my friends and I used to tell. I think the fun/funny part is saying the word “gwapes”.

For my birthday this year, my fine colleagues Kabir, Kolia and Sue surprised me with a cornucopia of exotic fruits. Amongst the bounty were two variety of “gwapes” that I’d never had — champagne and concord — the latter of which was very much worth recommending.

Whole Foods Conventional Concord Grapes

Sweet and grapey. Yes please.

There’s always been an implicit criteria that goes into a chirbah fruit review. Does the thing taste like it ought? It might be the best chicken flavour you’ve ever had — but if it comes in the form of a banana, our users ought to know.

This grape destroys in that category — it tastes more like a grape than any other grape I’ve had recently. And it’s sweet and juicy to boot. Thank you, friends, for making this grape so easy to recommend.

Exclusive tip: try this in yogurt as a replacement for berries — you won’t be disappointed.


Love, Josh

Contact Josh about fruit or non-fruit at [email protected].